dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
