I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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