I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
