omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
