Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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