i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
