A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
