I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
