LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
