Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
