angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
