You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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