I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Text me some of your sweat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
