I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
