peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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