Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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