I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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