there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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