I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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