I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
