Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
