Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
