Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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