Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
