I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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