Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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