why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
