You can't motorboat a personality
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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