Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
