at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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