exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
