You smell like stripper and shame
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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