Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
