woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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