I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
