He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We are two peas in an std pod
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
