HIV tests are more positive than that guy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
