if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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