the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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