Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
