how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
