the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
