you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
