i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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