what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
