So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
