Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
