I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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