it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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