just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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