Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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