cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
