I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
