I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
