Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
