So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize