I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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