if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
