did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
