I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
