call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
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All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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