They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
