tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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