Define "chronic" masturbator.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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