I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
