at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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