he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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