I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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