i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
