you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
