What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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