Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
