i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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