He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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