i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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