i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
