The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
