I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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