Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
